King Koopa Katastrophe Spoof4

Once again, it was a dark day in Darkland, and the invisible camera found itself panning over to Bowser's Castle, blah blah, etc. But at this particular time, Bowser didn't seem to be in the mood for hatching evil plots. Rather, he was sitting on his throne, putting ice packs (decorated with pictures of crowns) on top of his head.

King Bowser Koopa: Ohh, my aching head! Oooh!
Ludwig Von Koopa: It seems you get these headaches every time you get clobbered by the Mario Bros.
Bowser: Well, no shit, Kooky! Of course I get these headaches every time I get clobbered by the Mario Bros.! They always clobber me! I even became invincible in Paper Mario and I still couldn't beat Mario! You don't have to tell me how I'm getting my own headaches! You may be my smartest kid, but it doesn't mean you have to state the obvious!
Ludwig: Could you please not call me "Kooky"?
Bowser: Shut up! Sheesh... I could've taken over the Mushroom Kingdom years ago...
Ludwig: If only those nincompoop plumbers hadn't fallen down that warp zone pipe in Brooklyn!
Bowser: KOOKY!! Being smart doesn't mean you can finish my sentences either!

Bowser Koopa Jr., a.k.a. "Princie", sat nearby, reading the National Enquirer.

Bowser Koopa Jr.: Well, papa, Ludwig does have a point. If the events of the Mario Bros. arcade game never occurred, you would've been in total control of the Mushroom Kingdom.
Ludwig: You see, pop? Princie understands what I'm saying!
Bowser Jr.: Please, Ludwig, don't call me that name; it makes me sound snobby.
Bowser: Princie, you may have a point, but it still doesn't mean Kooky can state the obvious!
Bowser Jr.: Well, why not? A lot of people are doing it in cartoons based on video games - Ludwig, Wendy, Larry, "Mama Peach", Kevin Keene, GameBoy the Supercomputer, Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, Sonic Hedgehog, Knuckles the Echidna, Dr. Ivo Robotnik, General Klump, Ash Ketchum, Tracey Sketchit, Tiff Ebrum, Marik Ishtar, the emcee on "Ultimate Muscle"...
Bowser: DAMN IT, PRINCIE! I get the freakin' picture!
Kamek the Magikoopa: (appearing out of nowhere) Or how about this? If I hadn't messed up capturing them when they were babies, you wouldn't ever have to worry about them!
Bowser: Kamek?! Where'd you come from?!
Kamek: I'm a Magikoopa; I magically appeared behind you! How do you think I got here?
Bowser: Hh. Very well. Well, if any of you has an idea, speak up now or forever hold your peace.

Ludwig and Kamek paced around, trying to get an idea, as Bowser watched them and Bowser Jr. returned to his articles. During the course of their conversation, Toad stood nearby, hidden in a flower pot, listening with the help of his trusty periscope that could somehow pick up audio and make it loud enough for the possessor to hear what he was supposedly listening to. I can't believe the Koopas didn't notice him. What happened to reptiles being such smart creatures? But then Ludwig got an idea. An awful idea. Ludwig Von Koopa got a wonderful, awful idea!

Ludwig: (as a light bulb appears above his head and his pleasant smile morphs into an evil grin) Maybe we can go back and change history, King Dad. All ve need is a little... (Mr. Crocker-style freaky poses) TIME TRAVEL!
Bowser: Time travel? You mean the second-most overused plot in television cartoons, next to the shrinking plot?
Ludwig: Just picture it, King Dad! A vorld vit'out those wretched reptile--er, despicable plumbers. Think about it!
Bowser: Hmmm... (fantasizes for a bit) Yes, yes! Ehh-xcellent! All the Toads are stone, horsehair plants, bricks, and whatever else I can turn them into; Princess Peach can't do anything about it, for she is my prisoner and no one can rescue her; the Mushroom World monarchs become my own petting zoo; the Yoshies and their pretty little island are reduced to fossils; Isle Delfino is full of pollution-causing paint; the Dream Depot's good dreams are never restored; the Wario Bros. are forced to give all their money to me; Wart has permanent control of Subcon; the Black Sugar Pirates rule the six seas; and best of all... no having to hear of Fairlo Oppreemo or Jimmo Neutrino or whatever Kootie Pie keeps whining about!
Wendy O. Koopa: (screaming from offscreen) DON'T CALL ME "KOOTIE PIE"!!
Bowser: (rolls his eyes) Whatever. Anyway, Kooky, that's a great idea you've got! (swipes the Enquirer from Bowser Jr.) Put up your articles! We're gonna go back in time and prevent the Mario Bros. from ever going down that drainpipe!
Kamek: Sire, if I may offer a suggestion, it might make more sense if we go back to whatever year it was when I had that vision of the then-being delivered Mario Bros. bringing ruin to the empire. In that time, we could help me capture both of them and the stork, and therefore, prevent the Mario Bros. from ever being brought to their Mushroom Kingdom parents!
Bowser: (eyes Kamek oddly) Don't be ridiculous, Kamek! Those lousy Yoshies might come and rescue them anyway even if we did capture both of the Baby Marios! We're not takin' any chances. I say we clog up the pipe that brought them back to the Mushroom Kingdom, and that's final! (walks off with Ludwig and Bowser Jr.)
Kamek: ... (follows them) I still think my idea makes more sense.

Soon, inside the Doomship's control room, Ludwig was fiddling with one of his many inventions. You see, not only was he the genius of the Koopa Kids, but he was very very smart, too. Bowser, B.J., and Kamek stood, watching.

Ludwig: I've got to be careful; this is the only Time Travel Tube I've got.
Bowser Jr.: Well then, Kooky, why didn't ya just make some more in case this one breaks?
Ludwig: Please, I don't like being called that. Call me Ludvig.
Bowser Jr.: Okay, Ludvig.
Ludwig: It's Ludvig, not "Ludvig"!
Bowser Jr.: Well, how can you talk clearly? You have that stupid German accent! Why do you even have it?
Ludwig: Because my namesake vuz German!
Bowser Jr.: Really? I thought DiC didn't know our real names!
Bowser: (interrupting the conversation) I don't mean to call you a nut, Kooky, but I don't see how that silly little tube is going to get us back to Brooklyn and keep the Mario Bros. from ever leaving!
Ludwig: I know vhat I'm doing, King Dad! Don't you trust your oldest son?
Bowser: Well, in a way, yes, but in another way, no. Kootie Pie still thinks it's my fault for her run-in with these Supremofriends she claims ruined her America takeover. The last thing I need is my kids blaming me for getting captured by people I don't know anything about. I don't want you joining your only sister in that "blame-it-on-dad" madness.
Kamek: Sire, I do not wish to upset your eldest son, but if you are correct in doubting his Time Travel Tube, I have another suggestion. I could use my magic to send you back to the year to which you are aiming to go. So what mode of time transportation would you like, sire? A DeLorean? A Time Scooter? A Purple Potty converted into a time machine? Or maybe a simple cardboard box labeled "Time Machine"?
Bowser: No, Kamek! Shut up, please, or I'll stomp on you again!
Bowser Jr.: Say papa, why are we using the Doomship for this anyway? Couldn't we just use the Koopa Cruiser?
Kamek: The young master has a point, sire. We're using the Doomship for a job we could do just as easily in the Koopa Cruiser.
Bowser: I said shut up! I don't want to hear your stupid suggestions today, Kamek!
Kamek: (in a pouting tone) Oh, poopsie! You don't want to hear my suggestions today, no matter if they'll help you or hinder you! It's because I was left out of Mario Kart 64, isn't it? It was bad enough that Nintendo just called me "Magikoopa" when they called it Super Mario Kart R, but then they had to go and replace me with Donkey Kong when they changed its name! You don't listen to me 'cause I'm so damn neglected!
Bowser: Oh, Kamek, that's not true at all! For some reason, I don't feel like taking your ideas today!

Toad's magic periscope was still eyeing them and picking up their sinister plotting from around the corner. As the Koopas started up their argument, it retracted itself back to its holder. You'd have to see it to know what I meant when I said it was a magic periscope. Toad climbed out of his disguise and looped his animation a few times as he talked to himself.

Toad: Well, it's a good thing I planted myself here. (guffaws) Planted myself. I oughta make a joke book. But foist I'd better get da Mario Bros.!

And so Toad headed back to his house. The Mario Bros. were making themselves comfortable, eating pizza and lasagna, when he came rushing in.

Toad: (screaming frantically, jumping like a jackrabbit) MarioLuigiMarioLuigiMarioLuigiMarioLui--hey, where'd you get da food?
Mario Mario: Toadette baked it for us! How else?

Toadette came out of the kitchen, with an apron on her bod and oven mittens on her hands.

Toadette: (who sounds like a female version of Toad) Hey, big brother. Whatcha been up to?
Toad: I've just been doin' some investigative work for da Fungus Bureau of Investigation over at Koopa's evil fortress of evilness! And he's got a disastrous plan in store dis week!
Mario: (chewing a pizza piece in his mouth) Really? What's he plan to do? (swallows) Kill King Toadstool?
Luigi Mario: Yeah, that'd be a waste of a murder, considering that Peach's father isn't much of a good ruler.
Toad: DIS HAS NUTTIN' T'DO WIT' DA KING!! Koopa plans to go back in time an' prevent youse from ever gettin' here!
Mario: (mock gasp) Oh no! We have to hurry! Lighten up, Toadie.
Toad: I'm totally serious! If Koopa changes da past, I'll never be born! (screams and waves his arms frantically)
Luigi: Well, tell us why we should get up off our seats and follow him?
Mario: Yeah, chances are his scheme's a-full of plotholes!
Toadette: Are you sure you didn't have too much coffee this morning, Toad?
Toad: Look, Marios! Koopa's going back in time, detoimined to prevent everything that's happened since you arrived here from ever happening!
Mario: Toad, this just sounds like a badly-written version of a movie focusing on time-travel. Besides, seeing the trend of his defeats lately, someone else is bound to stop him! Perhaps Scooby Doo and his gang will round up the Flintstones, the Jetsons, the Yogi Bear group, the Smurfs, and even the Snorks, and they'll drive 'im away with a big insane parade float on which they'll wiggle their asses whilst Scooby himself breakdances.
Toadette: Isn't that how they celebrated Scooby's 15th birthday at Macy's 1984 Thanksgiving parade?
Toad: Mario! Luigi! Peach told you already dat dis is your show, and if somebody's got to stop Koopa, it's youse two!
Mario: Sorry, we're not leaving Toadette's pasta to put a stop to something that some other hero can surely handle.
Toad: But you guys gotta stop Koopa! Pleeeeease?? (quivers his lips like Kim Possible's "Puppy Dog Pout" face)
Mario: Oh no, don't go there with me! That may work in the real world, but it ain't workin' on a video game cartoon!
Toad: Fine! If da Puppy Dog Pout won't woik, den I know what will - a little routine labeled by Donald Duck's nephews as "Plan B"! (throws himself on the ground and pounds his arms and legs, whilst whining and screaming endlessly)
Mario: (sweatdrop) OK, OK! We'll stop Bowser from changing the past! Anything to get you to stop that stupid "Plan B"!
Toad: (smiles gladly) All right! Let's get goin'!
Toadette: Ooh! An adventure! Can I come, big brother?
Toad: No, sis! You're just a character created for Mario Kart: Double Dash!! so dat I'd have a partner. We don't need you in an adventure game!

Toadette watched as her big brother and his two friends headed off towards Darkland. Soon, in front of Bowser's Castle, several Hammer Bros. were loading up crates onto the Doomship. Of course, I don't know why. Bowser wasn't going on vacation, and he wasn't preparing to attack any kingdoms in the Mushroom World. Mario, Luigi, and Toad snuck over to the load of crates.

Luigi: Damn. I hate Hammer Bros. Filthy, stinking, no good, sons of bitches! (expresses his hatred further by sticking his tongue out) So what's the plan for gettin' past those guys?
Mario: Live bait.
Luigi: What?! You mean we gotta dress in drag and do the hula?
Mario: Oh, hell no, Luigi! I was only joking! We're gonna conceal ourselves from their view.
Toad: Great idea! But any thoughts as t'how?
Mario: Simple! We'll squeeze ourselves into one of the crates!
Luigi: Hey! We can't all fit in there!
Mario: Sure we can!
Luigi: But it might make more sense if we just put ourselves in separate crates, considering that these crates individually are a hundred times too small for all three of us to fit in, and therefore, we couldn't poss--YEOW!!

Mario, not listening to his brother's lecture, tossed him and Toad into the open, empty crate in front of them. Then he jumped in himself and closed the lid on top of them.

Toad: Mario's always gettin' us into tight spots.
Mario: Hey, Toadie! Shut up with the lousy puns.
Toad: Will ya stop callin' me Toadie!? And get yer finger outta my eye, Luigi!
Luigi: Well, I will as soon as you get your foot out of my belly button!
Toad: My hand's not even near your belly button, stupid!
Luigi: Then why do I feel like someone's shoving their pinkies up my belly button?
Mario: Oops, that'd be me...
Luigi: See, I told you we should've gotten into separate crates!

A Hammer Brother picked up the crate and heaved it around in his weak arms, all the while the other Hammer Brother behind him carried five crates without straining, as he had the strength of a Chomp Brother and a Sledge Brother combined. And for those who are uneducated, Chomp Bros. are new enemies featured in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga. With Arnold Schwarzeneggerian bodies and Chain Chomps for projectiles, they are indeed the strongest breed of the helmeted Koopa Troopas. But for some reason, the Chomp Bros. were nowhere to be seen today. Maybe they were hanging out with Johnny Bravo and Jorgen Von Strangle, watching their favorite soap opera, "All My Biceps".

Hammer Bro 1: Jeez, I must be gettin' out of shape! This crate weighs ten times as much as the last one!
Hammer Bro 2: Aaaah, quit your whinin', stupid! You should've been payin' attention during the Chomp Bros.' training sessions, slacker!

The Hammer Bros. lugged the luggage into the control room of the Doomship, narrowly avoiding getting hit by the droppings of the Parabeetles flying overhead. Bowser, Kamek, and Bowser Jr. stood nearby as Ludwig configured his Time Travel Tube.

Hammer Bro 1: Where do you want these supplies, your ultimate evilness?
Bowser: Mmmm, right there in the corner's good enough.

The Hammer Bros. tossed the crates right there in the corner, during which Toad made one of his stupid squeaking noises. As the Hammer Bros. walked out, Bowser walked over to the crates and looked around.

Bowser: Did you just hear something?
Mario: (from inside the crate) Nope, just your imagination!
Toad: (raspberry) And he tells me t'shut up.
Bowser: Oh. (double takes) Wait a tic... did that crate just talk to me?!
Bowser Jr.: Really, sir, how the hell should I know? You've got that stupid music playing in the background.
Kamek: If I knew, I'd tell you, except you don't want to hear anything from me today, sire.

Just then, loud obnoxious alarms came blaring out of Ludwig's invention.

Ludwig: It's working! (as the Doomship takes off) I'll take us back to that Brooklyn drain just before noon, when the Mario Bros. walked into the Mushroom Kingdom!
Bowser: Ehh-xcellent. I don't think I could wait any longer, 'cause I just can't wait to be king of the Mushroom Kingdom. And when I've done that, I won't have to hear Kootie Pie complaining about Teaso Cheeso anymore!
Bowser Jr.: Really? Well, this'd be much easier if he had specified which year we need to go to.
Bowser: What? What did you say, BJ?
Bowser Jr.: Well, all "Kooky" said about when we were going to is that we'd be heading "back to that Brooklyn drain just before noon". I don't think he said anything about which specific date it was.
Bowser: Uh-oh......
Ludwig: What is et, King Dad?
Bowser: He's back.
Bowser Jr.: Snoopy?
Bowser: No! The worst writer this cartoon has ever had... (eyes narrow as lightning strikes behind him) Rowby Goren.
Ludwig, Bowser Jr., & Kamek: Rowby Goren?
Bowser: This writer is a cursed one. I know, because I was in an episode that he wrote - "Mario's Magic Carpet". I continually asked the producers to let someone else write the episode, but they simply refused. The quarter-hour that the script expelled was one of the most badly-written things I've ever been involved in. There were plot holes and obvious-stating everywhere! Not to mention the animation was so bad the clouds looked like background scenery from "Seussical". And now Rowby Goren is back to torture me once more with his drunk-monkey writing!
Mario: (inside the crate) Hey, did he just say Rowby Goren was writing this episode?
Toad: Mario, shut da hell up! You'll let Koopa know we're here!
Luigi: Well, if Rowby Goren's really writing this, that may make sense.
Bowser: (takes the wheel, not hearing the Mario Bros. and Toad) Damn it, Kooky! You're such a slowpoke!
Ludwig: But King Dad! It'll blow if you give it more juice! Besides, I wasn't even driving!
Bowser: See? That's the curse of Rowby Goren's Crappy Scriptwriting! It's taking effect!
Ludwig: Forget that, King Dad! It's going out of control!

The Doomship started to shake around. During which, the crate the Marios were hiding in slid towards the Time Tube and knocked it into the air. Although Ludwig was lucky enough to catch it, the box then slid the other way and smashed into the wall, spilling out its human contents and their companion. Then for no reason, Toadette ran in.

Bowser: Stowaways?! What the hell are you doing here?
Toadette: (panting) Are you guys okay?
Toad: What the?! Gosalyn! I thought I told you to stay outside!
Mario: Hey Toadette, how'd you get in here?
Toadette: I took out the crate-carrying Hammer Bros., with the help of freshly-unearthed vegetables.
Ludwig: Forget them, help me! We're going too far back in time!
Kamek: How do you know? I don't see any time portal outside.

Before Bowser could respond to the Magikoopa's nitpicking, the Doomship shook some more. When it finally straightened itself out, the Time Tube had somehow changed everyone in the room into babies! Well, except for Bowser Jr. and Kamek, that is. Bowser Jr. had de-aged into an egg, and Kamek, being a magical being, wasn't affected by the transformation in any way. Mario and Luigi still had moustaches, though. And despite the physical transformation, they didn't seem to act differently, except for Toadette, who was now acting and talking like Dijon the Thief from "DuckTales". Bowser, realizing he had a pacifier in his mouth, spat it out, but it rebounded off a computer screen and hit him in the eye.

Bowser: Ouchies!!
Luigi: Hey Mario! (cries really loud and unconvincingly)
Mario: Cut that out, Luigi! You're a grown man.
Luigi: No, Mario! I'm a baby. And you are, too! Those lousy reptiles turned us into toddlers!
Mario: Well, we seem to be speaking normal English for babies. Not to mention we've still got our moustaches!
Toad: I don't feel any different either. But Toadette's sure actin' weird! Look!
Toadette: That's a-right, Merlock! The treasure map was written in Colli Baba's own hand!
Kamek: Don't look at me; I knew this would happen, so I protected myself from this.
Ludwig: Hang on. Maybe I can get us back on course and return us to normal. (fiddles with the Time Tube)
Bowser: Are we heading back to the right year, Kooky?
Ludwig: Oh, how the hell should I know, King Dad?! You just said earlier I didn't specify which year you wanted to go to!
Bowser: Hang on, I just remembered! It was 1985, when Disney started up their Television Animation department, and Calvin & Hobbes began their ten-year run in newspapers all over the country!
Ludwig: Fine. But you should've said so earlier!

Just then, the Doomship crashed to the ground, landing in the town square of Brooklyn, NY. Mario and Luigi crawled out, followed by Toad, with the Dijon-minded Toadette slung on his back.

Toadette: Yes, yes! You will be more powerful than locomotives! More faster than speedy bulls! You will leap tall buildings in a single bound!
Toad: How come we're still babies?
Mario: I don't know how, but the crash must have messed up the Time Tube!
Luigi: That doesn't sound possible...
Mario: (looks at the clock tower, which reads 2:00 PM; gasps) Oh my god! We don't have much time to get to the apartment where we fell down the drain!
Toad: Uh, correction - we don't have ANY time at all! Kooky said earlier dat the event happened at noon. Besides, why bother tryin' to get dere? Shouldn't your past counterparts be doin' dat?
Mario: Do things have to make sense around here? Rowby Goren is writing this.
Toad: Oh yeah.
Luigi: Well, as small as we are we'll have to find a shortcut.
Mario: Man, what I wouldn't give for the Goo-Goo Buggy right now...

Bowser, Ludwig, and Kamek, carrying the egg-turned Bowser Jr., crawled out of the wreckage.

Bowser: Hey, they're getting away! Let's get those diapered dodos!
Ludwig: Wait, King Dad! I need a little bit of confirmation here! (to a man who looks suspiciously like a cross between Denzel Crocker and Mr. Stuart) You zere! What day of ze year is zis?
Suspicious Man With No Real Name As Of Yet: Why, it's October 2nd, 1985, young man!
Ludwig: And has anyone called for a plumber today? More specifically, Mario Bros. Plumbing?
Suspicious Man: Well, a friend of mine named Mrs. Boobles called them up just earlier! She claims she needs her bathtub fixed before her party tonight.
Ludwig: Thank you, kind sir! All right, dad, let's prevent ze Marios from preventing us from preventing zeir past selves from going down ze drain!
Bowser: Right! Kamek, you stay here and fix up the Doomship. And make sure no one captures Junior!
Kamek: You mean, you're trusting me with a job for once today?
Bowser: Yes, really!!
Suspicious Man: (watching Bowser and Ludwig give chase after Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadette) Such nice boys, those two lizards. Wait a minute... lizards don't speak English, and they don't wear diapers in their infancy. There's only one logical explanation - someone in Brooklyn has wished these diaper-clad reptiles into existence with his... (crazy poses) FAIRY GODPARENTS!! (gives chase after Bowser and Ludwig, much to the confusion of Kamek)

Those strange unidentifiable voices came again, this time singing about baby chases. And there was indeed a baby chase going on, as Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadette were being chased by Bowser and Ludwig, who were being followed by the suspicious man. They crawled past some unnamed citizens along the way, but none of them seemed to find anything strange about odd-looking babies being pursued by a tall thin man. Actually, they probably did, but thought it best not to say anything. Besides, how could they talk with that music drowning them out? The Mario group then got a street crossing light to work for them, much to the annoyance of the drivers, but the traffic cop didn't seem to mind. Next, they jumped through three girls playing jump rope, none of whom seemed to notice. Bowser and Ludwig stupidly tried to do the same, but only got tangled up. The Mario Bros. and the Toad Siblings then crawled into a junkyard and made off with a stroller, a wagon, and a skateboard, respectively. Far behind in the chase, Bowser and Ludwig tried to catch up in a makeshift wagon/stroller, with a sign reading "Bad Babies on Board" tacked to the front. And unbeknownst to either of them, that suspicious man was hot on their tail! As the pursuit continued, the three Warner Siblings came running by, chased by Ralph the Guard. Eventually, Mario's group (and the song) came to a dead end in an alley.

Bowser: Oh goodie! Now we've got those little squirts cornered! Ha ha!

But their efforts were in vain, because their cart came to a halt as Granny from Looney Tunes came out of a shop.

Mario: Now's our chance. Let's scoot!
Toadette: Do not be feary. Dijon shall treeck the trap. Ha! You see? Ohhhh... ees there a doctor in the pyramid?
Granny: (as Mario, Luigi, and Toad w/Toadette scoot away) Oh, I just love cute babies. Gitchy gitchy goo! (pulls back the blanket) Oh, goodness! I thought no babies could be ugly!
Bowser: HEY!! Who ya callin' ugly, sister!? I'm a dinosaur/turtle!! (tries to slash at Granny, who screams and jumps back) And don't you dare call me a cross between a lizard and an inferior species of toad! You don't wanna know how angry I get when people get my species wrong!
Granny: (runs off) Heavens to Betsy, they're monsters! And bad ones, too!
Tweety Pie: (inside his cage) Yeah! Bad ol' dino-turtles!
Ludwig: (looks in the other direction) Ohhhh, shit! The Super Mario Babies have made a clean getaway! Now what do we do?
Bowser: It's time to stop kiddin' around! Let's get back to the Doomship, Kooky; Kamek's probably fixed it by now. (starts wheeling the cart back to the Doomship)
Ludwig: Y'know, ve probably vould've caught up vit zem if you hadn't have wasted so much time taking zat sign and painting "Bad" on it.
Bowser: Aw, shut up, Kooky! You may be the genius, but I'm still your dad, and what I say goes!

Soon, inside the magically repaired Doomship, Kamek watched reluctantly as Ludwig reconfigured his Time Tube.

Ludwig: I think this might work, King Da-da!
Bowser: It better! My thumb is getting sore from all this sucking! Besides, we can't beat those Super Baby Bros. if this thing doesn't make us all growed up again.
Kamek: Now see, personally, I believe it would've been better if I used my magic to return you to your atomically correct ages.
Bowser: Shut up, Kamek! Mr. Goren won't let me take your ideas today, no matter how good they are!

And with the flick of a switch, a ray emitted from the Time Tube, restoring Bowser and Ludwig to their correct ages and hatching Bowser Jr. out of his egg. Bowser sat there, still sucking his thumb for a while, before doing a double-take at his sons and servant. Embarrassed, he stood firmly, looking as poised as a talking reptile could look.

Ludwig: It worked, King Dad! You're back to your abnormal self!
Bowser: My abnormal self? Hmmm, that's a good one. I oughta say it next time I go through something like this. Write it down for me, Ludwig.
Bowser Jr.: What just happened? I feel like I've been covered in yolk for the last coupla minutes.
Ludwig: You were, B.J., you were.
Kamek: Sir, sir, the computers indicate a human life form outside the ship, carrying what appears to be a DNA tracker.
Bowser: Really? Hang on for a second.

The unnamed suspicious man was standing outside the Doomship, holding a DNA tracker, demanding them to come out.

Suspicious Man: You diapered reptiles come out of there right now! I demand to know whose... (crazy poses) FAIRY GODPARENTS!! brought you into existence!
Bowser: (comes out of the Doomship) Yeah, what in the name of high school football do you want?
Suspicious Man: (now cowering) Uh, nothing. I just want to know if you're a creation of... fairy godparents... and whose fairies made you.
Bowser: Now listen here, bub. I ain't no creation of no fairy godparents. I'm a crossbreed of a turtle and a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and I'm a very nasty one, too. But I'm also... (pulls up his tail to show the Official Nintendo Seal of Quality stamped on it) ...a registered trademark of Nintendo Company, Ltd. (kisses the seal on his tail)
Suspicious Man: Well, I must be going now. See ya!
Bowser: Not so fast, Mr. Unnamed Cast Member! Since you've questioned me without the right to do so, I believe it's my right to incinerate you.
Suspicious Man: What?!!
Bowser: That's right! I'm also part dragon! (blows his flame breath on Suspicious Man, charring him)
Suspicious Man: Auuuuuuuuuggggghhhhh! (dashes off in other direction) Looks like Stuzel Crockart isn't fit for fairy-detecting!!
Kamek: (patting Bowser's shoulder) Nice work, sire.
Bowser: Yes, it was, wasn't it? Well, now that Mr. Extra-Guy-Who-Isn't-Bill-The-Extra-Guy is out of the way, now for the next part of my disgusting plan! (laughs evilly)
Kamek: What, may I ask, is so disgusting about time changing?
Bowser: I said shut up, Kamek! Stories like this never make sense when Rowby Goren's writing them.
Kamek: Well, how do you expect to get to this apartment and change the present without arousing suspicion?
Bowser: You'll conjure up a van for us to travel in! And give it a spicy name, too. Something like, "Koopa & Kid Costumed Plumbers". That's it, I like that! It's funny, 'cause it appeals to teenagers like Crash Bandicoot's advertising campaign.
Kamek: Uh, sire, although I'm glad you're finally relying on me today, I must nitpick this - won't this woman be expecting Mario Bros. Plumbing and not "Koopa & Kid Costumed Plumbers"?
Bowser: Just shut the hell up and produce that van! Hopefully, if this episode is really as illogical as it seems, that woman has an extremely low IQ.

In the meantime, Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadette were still scampering around Brooklyn. After quite a while of Toadette blabbing on about golden geese and someone called "Mr. Gloomgold" who would "be even gloomier when he finds out I've lost his Metal Mites," Luigi pointed to a building nearby.

Luigi: Look! There's the place we fell in the warp drain and went to the Mushroom Kingdom.
Toad: (as they come to a stop in front of the door) Boy, Luigi, for something dat happened a long time ago, you sure got a good memory.
Luigi: Well, I'm a video game character, and I can remember my career very clearly.
Mario: (as they crawl up to the front door) The lady who lives here is a little dowdy. Let me do the talking.
Toad: You really t'ink she's gonna believe a quartet of talkin' babies? How are we even talkin' normal English, anyway?!
Luigi: I think the Muppet Babies and the Rugrats have that down pat, despite the latter group's continuous mispronunciations.
Mario: Why must you doubt me here by asking questions about whether or not this lady's gonna listen, Toad? Did you see or hear anyone seeing anything strange about us during that chase sequence?! In fact, Toadette is rather strange herself, considering she was just created so you'd have a partner in Mario Kart: Double Dash!!, even though I've read complaints that there are plenty of characters fitting for that role! Anyway, just let me do the talking!

Toad and Luigi rolled their eyes as Mario raised his arm to knock on the door. But it turned out the woman of the house, Mrs. Jolianna Boobles, had come to find out what was the ruckus outside, and Mario was thumping on her knee right now. Trust me, this lady made Barbara Bush look attractive. Oddly, she looked a lot like an earlier guest star.

Mrs. Jolianna Boobles: Fi-fo-fum-fee, who's that knocking on my knee? Oh, goodness gracious, someone's abandoned four babies on my doorstep.
Mario: Oh no, no, ma'am, we're not abandoned babies; we're plumbers. Actually, the half of us with the moustaches are. The other half is just our friends. Anyway, Luigi and I are the Mario Bros. Plumbing service. You called for us, remember?
Mrs. Boobles: Please, plumbing's too dangerous for babies. I'll put you down for a nice nap. (brings them to a cradle)
Mario: We're NOT babies!!! We're the plumbers you called for!! Well, actually, we're their counterparts from the future. Well, we're their counterparts from the future turned into babies. You see, this evil reptile we're at war with has come to this time to prevent the past versions of ourselves from ever coming to his place, and there was an incident with his time machine that wound up turning us into babies! Anyway, that's what we are - baby-ified versions of the future counterparts of the plumbers you called earlier.
Mrs. Boobles: (obviously not processing Mario's speech into her empty skull) Oh, but I insist that you take a nap! And if you have to go poop, the bathroom is over there.
Mario: (as his skin turns purple) DAMN IT, LADY!! Why don't you get it that YOU'RE HEARING A TALKING BABY RIGHT NOW??!!
Mrs. Boobles: Yes, I know my IQ is two, but I know darn well what you abandoned babies need.
Mario: IS YOUR BRAIN TINIER THAN AN ANT, YOU MENTALLY CHALLENGED FREAK!?! We're adults turned into babies! Why else would we be talking in English?!
Mrs. Boobles: Oh yeah? Well, screw you too!
Toadette: (talking over Mrs. Boobless's last line) Master, all this flip-flapping - maybe we take the bus back?
Luigi: Uh, you alright, bro?
Toad: Yeah, we never seen you like dis before - y'know, purple.
Mario: Bah! I'm fine! But can you believe this lady's dangerously low IQ!? You could take the stupidest thing you could find, multiply its stupidity by the number of "Pokémon" episodes, and you'd wind up with this lady!! (roaring) BUH-ZARRG!!!
Luigi: Calm down, bro! Just count to ten and think of the happiest things!
Mario: (thinks of pasta and all sorts of Italian delicacies as well as how beautiful Peach is until his skin returns to its normal color) Ahhhhhh, that's better. But if you ask me, there are getting to be too many in-jokes here.

Just then, a big yellow van pulled up outside, and Mrs. Boobless looked out her window.

Mrs. Boobles: Wonderful, here come the real plumbers. "Koopa & Kid Costumed Plumbers"...
Toadette: There it is, Merlock, there it is! You can drop me off anywhere along here. B-but not there! Not there! Ahhhh-Ow! That is going to leave a nasty mark!
Toad: Hey Luigi, is it just me, or does dis woman look rather familiar?

Bowser and Ludwig, dressed like plumbers, got out of their van and walked towards the door.

Ludwig: If they think we're in costumes like those Disneyland employees, King Dad, they'll never guess we're not from the Real World! I told you I'm a genius.
Bowser: (rolls his eyes, knocks on the door, and tips his hat as Mrs. Boobless answers it) Costumed plumbers at your service, ma'am! We make plumbing a party! I'm Bowser Von Giovanni Dragmire Dedede Pokey Rool Koopa. And this is Ludwig Kooky Von Grunt Stalfo Waddle Dee Starmen Kritter Koopa.
Mrs. Boobles: Is this some kind of gag?
Bowser: Actually, I'm a hybrid of turtle and dinosaur attempting world domination in another dimension by making a slight change in the flow of time.
Mrs. Boobles: Ah! Well then, come on in.
Luigi: (as Mrs. Boobless lets the Koopas in) You're right, Toad, she does look like that Joliet person we helped in that Verona-like place.
Mario: How'd Koopa and Kooky get back to their normal ages but we didn't?
Luigi: Wait a minute!! The Koopas are pretending to be plumbers now! If they mess with that drain, we'll never get back to our grown-up selves and save the Mushroom Kingdom!
Toad: Dat didn't make any sense, Luigi! I t'ought your past counterparts were gonna handle dat drain!
Mario: Well, they should've, but for some reason they don't seem to be anywhere. I'll bet Mr. Goren thinks that the current versions of Mario and I, the ones the watching millions see right now, have to become our past identities and do the job!
Toad: Geez, I hate time travel.
Mario: Follow me out this window, and we'll spy on them! I happen to know this lady's bathroom has a window and is right across from this room.
Toad: Dat's gonna be difficult, considerin' what I've got on me.
Toadette: But I am not a popular favorite in that house. Scrooge find me, he kill me!

Mrs. Boobles led Bowser and Ludwig to her bathroom, complete with a clogged-up bathtub. Strangely, this bathroom didn't look anything like the one we could see Mario and Luigi working on in the intro for the first season's episodes. Outside, Mario, standing on Toad and Toadette, who were crouched on Luigi's back, spied on the conversation.

Mrs. Boobles: Please fix my drain as quickly as possible, costumed plumbers. I must bathe for my party tonight.
Ludwig: You're gonna take a bath? (to himself) Ewwwww...
Bowser: Just leave it to us! We'll fix everything. (pushes Mrs. Boobles out the door)
Mario: We can't let Koopa get away with this! If we do, Nintendo Power will never be published!
Toad: But what can we do? We can't walk upright like da Rugrats, and Toadette's still crazy!
Toadette: Poor nosey!
Luigi: (looks down through a window at a cellar) Hey, I've got a way to cut Koopa down to size!
Mario: How? Lure him into being turned into a baby again?
Luigi: Nope! Follow me! (jumps down, causing Mario, Toad, and Toadette to fall down)
Toad: Hey! Warn us when ya do dat!

They climbed inside the cellar and looked at the house's pipes.

Luigi: Hey aye, aye-a these pipes are more tangled than a bowl of cheap spaghetti!
Mario: Shouldn't I be the one to say that?
Luigi: Here's the bathtub drainpipe. Let's open it up.
Mario: (tries to turn a monkey wrench on the pipe but can't) Come on, you half-pints! A baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do! I couldn't resist saying that. I need some baby powder! Er, power. (Luigi and Toad give him a hand, but to no avail)
Toad: Now what do we do?
Mario: Well, I don't suppose we should hope that cute couple and their little blue friend will show up at the last minute to help. But I think I have another solution. (picks up a hose that happens to be lying there) Let's sneak up behind them and back-flush 'em!
Luigi: I take it you made that pun as the real word wasn't safe for kids, was it?

Up in the bathroom, Bowser and Ludwig were stuffing things in the bathtub drain.

Bowser: (stuffs a small rag into the drain) Get some more stuff to plug this drain!
Ludwig: (places a handful of toiletries on top of the drain) Ve'll make sure those shrimpy Mario babies never warp through zis pipe!
Bowser: Uh, are we assuming that the present Marios need to do the duty of their past selves?
Ludwig: Don't ask me; you should've listened to Kamek! (runs out the bathroom, past Mrs. Boobles)
Mrs. Boobles: (clears her throat and knocks on the door) Um, how are you doing in there, costumed plumbers?
Bowser: Awww, shut yer trap!
Mrs. Boobles: Good gracious, how rude! I thought you made plumbing a party!
Ludwig: (runs back in with a lamp and a wheel) We do, lady; this is a fun game we call "Stuff Your Furniture Down the Drain"!!!
Mrs. Boobles: Oh now, who'd want to do that?
Ludwig: Fun-loving plumbers, zat's who, bitch!

And down in the cellar, the Marios and Toad (without any help from mind-numbed Toadette) had hooked the hose up to all the pipes.

Mario: Ok, time to stop playing patty cake. Turn on the water!
Luigi: Hey, now we'll really put the pressure on those Phony Koopa Plumbers!
Toad: (as they turn on the H20) I gotta admit, Rowby's writin' better puns dan he's writin' plots!

The water traveled up to the bathtub, causing some problems with Bowser's badly-drawn drain stuffings.

Bowser: Kooky, help me! It appears our clog is unclogging!
Ludwig: Oh, I'll help you, but please stop calling me Kooky!
Bowser: It doesn't matter, Kooky! Our plan's starting to crash and burn!

But before Ludwig could bite back, a flood started in all the other pipes.

Mrs. Boobles: (little girl scream) What are those costumed nincompoops doing to my house??! I'd better get help! (picks up the phone but water comes out) I thought things like that only happened in cartoons.

Ludwig headed outside and looked in the cellar window. There, he saw the Super Mario Babies and Toad sabotaging the scheme.

Ludwig: Ah, so that's our problem! (goes back inside) King Dad, the Super Baby Bros. are sabotaging our scheme!
Bowser: I told you to stop stating the obvious! But in this case... (runs out of the bathroom) Hey lady, we need to use your cellar for a bit!
Mrs. Boobles: How will that fix the problem?!
Bowser Jr.: (sticks his head in the window) Hey papa! Do I still have to stay in the car?
Bowser: Princie, you get your ass back in that van! Kooky and I have a bit of babysitting to do right now.

They walked into the cellar and found the babyshop quartet playing the pipes.

Mario: Uh-oh, it's Vicky the Babysitter and her annoying little sister Tootie!
Bowser: Well, what do we have here? Some bratty Brooklyn bambinos!
Toadette: Good morning, Scrooge sir. At the urging of my Genie, I have decided to seek my fortune.
Bowser: I don't care what's up with the girl mushroom, but you twerps are gonna do what I say or else!
Ludwig: Timmy! Vhy must you soak me vit vater balloons vhen I only want you to return my love?
Mario: Quick! While they're diluted, crawl after me! (crawls into a big pipe, followed by Luigi and Toad)
Bowser: Wait, we're acting like the wrong red-haired villain, Kooky. Help me out here. (picks up the big pipe Mario and Luigi crawled into)
Luigi: (sticks his head out one end) Hey! What the hell you think you're doing!?
Bowser: Sealin' your fate, genius! (stuffs a big cork on Luigi's end)
Ludwig: (does same to Mario and tosses them over to bench near window) Excellent! Now the past Mario Bros. will never get to ze Mushroom Kingdom, and the present Mario Bros. won't be able to stop us in ze present!

Bowser and Ludwig walked away laughing evilly, but there was one thing they hadn't counted on. Toad climbed out of the main pipe, which they hadn't pulled off, and looked at Toadette.

Toad: Foolish toitles! Dey didn't stuff me in dere!
Toadette: That's right! I get the loot, you get the boot!
Toad: Shut up with dat amnesia crap and get on my back, sis!

With Toadette slung on his back, Toad crawled as quickly as he could to the Doomship. Although Toad was a lousy jumper, he and Toadette jumped in though one of the windows. And this somehow changed them back to normal! In the control room...

Bowser: Well, it's turnin' out to be a red-letter day! With the Mario Bros. permanently trapped in Brooklyn, I can finally capture the Princess, enslave her people, lay waste to Dinosaur Land, pollute Isle Delfino, ruin all the good dreams of the Dream Depot, tax the Wario Bros. out of their money--
Ludwig: Okay, okay, we get ze picture!! And anyway, I guess my Time Tube has worked out great.
Kamek: Oh, I don't know. I still say things would've made more sense if you had taken my ideas.
Bowser: Will you just be glad we've won for once, Kamek?

As they were arguing, the fully-grown Toad used his magical periscope to snatch the Time Tube and bring it over to him and the back-to-normal Toadette.

Toadette: I don't get it. How did jumping into the Doomship restore us to our normal selves?
Toad: It musta been da beam of dis! Getting close to it must've toined us back to normal. (adjusts the Time Tube to the window and throws a REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALY long rope outside that window) If I can just focus da Time Tube beam on da basement window...
Toadette: But what about that magical periscope of yours? How'd it get here?
Toad: Beats me. Dis ship must have da same magical powers as dat basement in da last episode!
Ludwig: (suddenly appearing in the doorway with Bowser Jr.) Hey, how'd you two get here?!
Toad: Well, rumor has it da stork brought us.
Ludwig: Grab zem, Princie!

Fortunately, Toad's aim as good as his speed, as the beam shot into Mrs. Boobles' cellar window, making the Mario Bros. grow to their full size.

Luigi: Hey, I'm a full-sized hunk again! What happened?
Mario: Beats me, but we gotta save Nintendo from never becoming the King of Video Game Producers!

So, long story short, they rushed up to the bathroom and got rid of all the unnecessary things clogging up the warp pipe hidden in the drain. But they left in "the hairy clog that started it all" so that their past selves would be able to get sucked into the drain, thus restoring the timeline. Then, as Mrs. Boobless was greeting the 1985 Mario Bros., the present Marios grabbed onto that REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALY long rope that Toad had tossed out the Doomship's window and followed the Koopas back to the future, er, present. Bowser never noticed they were behind him, and he didn't notice that Darkland didn't look any different when he returned home. But even after Ludwig and Junior told him they had caught the Toad Siblings, he was in too good a mood to lose now. He got out the charter he had been saving for the occasion and marched on over to the Mushroom Kingdom, with Kamek, Ludwig and Junior, and the Toad Sibs too. There, he grabbed Princess Peach by the arm, even though she didn't really look threatened (actually, she took the sudden happening rather pleasantly), and said...

Bowser: If you know what's good for ya, you'll sign over your kingdom now!
Ludwig: You'd better do vhat King Dad says, Princess. The Super Mario Bros. are stuck in ze past!
Kamek: Uh, sire, if this is the corrupted present, why doesn't it look any different from the not-corrupted present?
Bowser: Not now, Kamek! Can't you see I'm about to get myself a new addition to my list of conquered kingdoms?
Mario: Don't count on it, Koopas!
All Koopas: WHAT THE HELL??!!

Mario and Luigi came leaping out of a nearby warp pipe. And they had Raccoon Power!

Luigi: We unclogged the past!
Mario: And now we're gonna clog you out of the Mushroom Kingdom, ya big hairball!
Bowser: Hairball!? Dang! I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition! Kooky, Princie, attack along with me!
Mario: Hang on a sec!

Mario and Luigi both pulled cartons of milk from behind them, and then guzzled the milk down. The Popeye Theme played as their muscles grew larger and they beat the crap out of Bowser, Ludwig, and Junior. Finally, after getting beat up so much he had little Koopa Shells running circles around his head, Bowser stumbled on over like a drunk monkey to Kamek.

Bowser: Drats, this is even worse than the first time the Mario Bros. got here! Get us out of here, Kamek!
Kamek: As you wish, your not-one-for-good-ideas majesty.

Kamek produced a warp pipe with his wand, and Bowser climbed as best he could into it, taking Kamek with him. Then Mario and Luigi used their Raccoon Tails to bat Ludwig and Junior into the pipe.

Princess Peach Toadstool: Good going guys. That'll teach Koopa not to mess with history!
Mario: Or with us!
Luigi: Yeah - it might become the plot for a VERY crappy educational game! Heh heh! (shares a brotherly hug with Mario)
Mario: (singing) Our pants are of silk / And we drink up our milk / We're the Mario Brother-men! (toots twice)